Lady Elizabeth Gloria

Which was to be demonstrated…

“My darling Klaus,” Dorian said breezily as he put on the last of his jewelry, “I don’t know why you’re so worried.” He gave himself one last look in the mirror before turning to face his beloved. He held out his hands and smiled. “Well? Do I meet with your approval?”

Klaus looked the Earl up and down. It wasn’t the first time he had seen him dressed as a woman, nor would it be the last—unfortunately. As he watched Dorian turn in place, he found himself wondering how the hell he had let himself get talked into this.

He and the Earl had been lovers for more than a year. Their respective teams had very quickly learned all about it. The Major had actually been very surprised at how well his men took the news. After the initial shock, things went on just as they always had—the Alphabet cringing in terror in the presence of their superior.

After a recent conversation with his father, Klaus had foolishly complained to Dorian about how the old man was always pointing out how he had failed to advance through the ranks and how he was not yet married.

That was when the Earl came up with his current, harebrained scheme. Klaus would announce his engagement to Lady Elizabeth Gloria, the sister of the Earl of Gloria. Dorian would dress appropriately and meet the senior Eberbach, which would—hopefully—take the pressure off the Major.

Klaus was brought out of his daze by a gentle kiss on the cheek. He gave Dorian a sideways glance as he went on to wipe the lipstick off. “Dorian, you will, please, not embarrass me in front of my father.”

Dorian actually looked hurt. “Do you think I would go through all this just to embarrass you?”

Klaus opened him mouth, only to close it again. Before they were lovers, he would have said yes. But not now. Dorian had gone out of his way to behave himself where the Major was concerned. “No, I don’t think you would.”

At that moment, there was a knock at the door followed by Bonham’s voice. “Whenever you’re ready, m’lord. Luggage is loaded.”

“Thank you, Bonham. We’ll be just there,” Dorian called. He turned back, seeing the dark look still on Klaus’s face. “Your father won’t know I’m a man, Klaus.”

“I know that. I’ve seen you pull this off too many times.”

“What then?” Dorian asked as he took the Major by the arm and moved to the door.

“My father is a very…traditional man.”

Dorian actually laughed. “You don’t think he’ll approve of the sister of a peer of England?”

Klaus did not reply, silently opening the door.

“Klaus, your father will approve of you fiancée,” Dorian said firmly as they headed toward the main staircase. “You approve, so he will approve. Q.E.D.”

Klaus rolled his eyes. “Yes, Q.E.D. You’ll have to demonstrate it.”

“Oh, Klaus!” Dorian laughed. “What’s the worst that could happen? He’ll disown you for marrying an Englishwoman?”

Klaus had no reply, but could suddenly feel a headache coming on.

* * *

The Major’s father was already at the Schloss when the pair arrived. Klaus gave Dorian a steady look before he got out of the car. He went around to the passenger side, opening the door and then helping “Elizabeth” out.

“The servants will get the bags,” Klaus said quietly, offering his arm.

The disguised Dorian flashed a bright smile, taking the arm, and then turning. He found himself frozen in place at the sight of the Major’s father standing ramrod straight at the top of the steps. “Holy mother,” he said under his breath. “Now I know where you learned to glare.”

Klaus’s reply was to start toward the steps. “Let’s get this over with.”

Disaster struck almost immediately when Dorian’s foot snagged in the loose hem of the dress’s long skirt as he ascended the steps. He ended up sprawled at the feet of the senior Eberbach. After a quick whispered curse, he struggled to stand, being assisted by a horrified Klaus.

“Are you alright?” Klaus asked as the disheveled Dorian regained his feet.

“Yes, yes,” came the immediate reply. Dorian turned to Klaus’s stone-faced father. “I’m terribly sorry,” he said in the breathy voice he adopted when playing a woman. “I’m sure you weren’t expecting your future daughter-in-law to be throwing herself at your feet.”

Klaus wasn’t sure who was more aghast, himself or his father. He recovered quickly, introducing his fiancée.

“Lady Elizabeth. You speak German, I assume,” Heinz said tersely.

Dorian opened his mouth but realized this has been a rhetorical statement when Heinz turned and strode into the house. “Well,” the Earl said quietly, “I guess that’s that, then.”

Klaus put a hand to his head. His headache was threatening to turn into a migraine.

* * *

The rest of the day did not go much better. Dorian could not seem to do anything right. During the course of the afternoon, he managed to knock over one of the servants and upset the tray he was carrying. He bumped a table in the main hall and broke the antique vase that was on it as well as spill the flowers and water all over the hardwood floor. At lunch, he put down his wine glass, which fell over, staining the linen tablecloth with red wine.

In the study, he almost put his hand through the canvas of “The Man In Purple.” This proved to be too much, and he fled to his room under the pretext of resting before having to change for dinner. This gave Heinz the opportunity to speak with his son.

“An interesting woman,” Heinz said as he took a seat.

“You cannot go by today as a gauge,” Klaus said apologetically. “She’s very nervous and wants to make a good impression. Wants too much, it seems.”

“I am aware of that. I had a similar disaster when I met your grandparents.” Heinz paused, a smile twitching at the edges of his mouth as a sudden thought struck him. “I hope the gun room is locked. Or she’ll be shooting us both trying to impress me with her marksmanship.”

Klaus could not help chuckling at this. “Even on a good day, Eroica is a lousy shot.”

Heinz scowled. “Eroica?”

Klaus cursed himself. Now he was getting nervous. “It’s a…pet name. Taken from the name of the first rose I ever gave her. An Eroica. It’s a German rose.” He was pleased when his father gave an approving nod. “Castle Gloria’s rose garden is very famous in Britain and Elizabeth is very fond of them.”

To Klaus’s relief, the conversation then turned to the Schloss and other family matters.

* * *

When Klaus went to retrieve Dorian, he found him sitting dejectedly on the bed. He had removed the dress he had arrived in, having laid out another more formal one for dinner.

“I’ve made a mess of things, haven’t I?” he said as Klaus came to sit beside him.

“No.”

Dorian looked up, a mournful expression on his face. If he really had been a woman, he had no doubt that he would have been in tears. “I haven’t been able to do anything right!”

“Just get through dinner. Father has business in Munich and will be leaving early in the morning.”

Dorian sighed heavily, leaning against Klaus and putting his head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I talked you into this,” he moaned. “I should know better than to let my romanticism get the better of me.”

Klaus put an arm around Dorian and sat silently for several minutes. He would have loved nothing more than to be able to tell him that it would all turn out fine. But considering how the day had gone so far, he wasn’t going to put any money on it.

“I have to get dressed for dinner,” Klaus said suddenly. When Dorian kissed him, he added, “And we both need to shave.”

Dorian put a hand to his chin and nodded. As Klaus crossed to the door, he suddenly realized that he had no idea where Klaus’s bedroom was located. He had never been on the second floor of the Schloss. In fact, he had never spent the night there either. “I feel silly asking this,” he said hesitantly. “Which room is yours?”

Klaus was already at the door. “First room on the right,” he said before he vanished through the door.

* * *

Dinner went well, Dorian thought. He had avoided spilling anything, and chose to decline the offer of a cigarette later for fear he would burn the house down. He had managed to steer the conversation to tanks, a topic he knew both of the Eberbach men were passionate about.

Finally, the exhausting day was over and everyone retired to their rooms.

Dorian waited until the house was dead quiet before he stole out of his room and slipped into the first one on the right. At least Eroica had the devil’s own luck. The light from the moon gave him enough light to see the bed…and the figure in the center of it.

Dorian moved silently to the bed, sitting down, and putting a hand on the peacefully sleeping figure.

“Was…”

“Shhh.” Dorian put his fingers on the man’s lips. “Before you get mad at me, just listen,” he whispered. “I know I messed everything up tonight. I wanted it to be absolutely perfect, and instead it was a total disaster.”

The reply to this was a grunt of agreement.

“I know I keep apologizing, but I really do mean it,” Dorian said, punctuating his statement with a passionate kiss. He was amused when his beloved squirmed beneath him. “Oh, don’t fret. I’m as silent as a thief,” he said as he pushed back the blankets. Then he was unbuttoning pajamas, planting kisses on bare skin, his hand moving downward to pajama pants.

Dorian smiled when his efforts were rewarded with a low moan. Then hands were tangling in his hair. He received a second, louder groan that was followed by a gasp when he took the man’s straining erection into his mouth. Then he was sucking for all he was worth, giving his beloved the best deep-throating action he knew how. Between short gasps, he heard several words of appreciation muttered in German.

After he finished, Dorian pulled his beloved’s clothes back to where they belonged, kissed the man passionately on the lips one more time, and pulled up his blankets.

“Now,” Dorian said as he got to his feet, “we’ll pretend this whole dreadful day didn’t happen. Okay?”

“Ja.”

Dorian nodded, slipping out of the room and back to his own, where he took care of his own needs. That little mission had been solely for his beloved Klaus. To make up for his having messed up so horribly with his father. Klaus could make it up to him some other time.

* * *

“Dorian…?”

Dorian swatted the hand at his shoulder away, turning over in bed. “Too early,” he moaned.

“Dorian, wake up!”

“Klaus?” Dorian turned over, seeing Klaus standing over him, an odd look on his face. “What’s the matter?” He sat up, looking at the clock. “Did I oversleep?”

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

Klaus sat down on the bed and drew a deep breath. “My father…”

Dorian closed his eyes. “He’s not staying another day?”

“No. He’s dead.”

A pause.

“I beg your pardon?”

Klaus gave the Earl a piercing look. “Conrad went in to wake him for his train and…” He shook his head. “His heart, probably. He’s been seeing a doctor about it.”

“Oh, Klaus!” Dorian finally recovered his wits, his brain having decided it needed to start functioning. He gave Klaus a hug. “What can I do?”

“Nothing. The arrangements were made years ago.” Klaus got to his feet and moved toward the door.

Dorian made to follow, only to stop. “Klaus, do I need to change back to Elizabeth?”

Klaus turned back to look at him. “No.” He moved his eyes pointedly over the Earl’s naked form. “You should put something on, though.”

Dorian wordlessly snatched up a robe, quickly tying it around himself. There was a great deal of activity going on in the hall and it took a moment for him to realize which room it was centered around. “Oh my God!” he exclaimed, causing everyone to turn and look at him.

“Eroica, not now,” Klaus snapped.

“Klaus, I need to speak to you.”

Klaus turned an annoyed glare in the Earl’s direction. Before he could issue any kind of a scathing rebuke, he was being dragged back into Dorian’s bedroom, the door closed firmly behind them.

“Dorian, this is not the time…”

“That was your father’s room,” Dorian said, waving a hand toward the door.

“I am aware of that.”

“You told me it was your room.”

Now it was Klaus’s brain that was threatening to shut down. “When?”

“Last night. The first one on the right.”

“So?”

Dorian pulled open the door and held out a hand, indicating the room that was now the center of attention. “That is the first room on the right!”

“You idiot, on the right coming from the—” Klaus broke off when he saw a horrified look come to the Earl’s face. “What did you do?”

“I thought it was you!”

Klaus’s eyes threatened to fall out of his head. He pushed the Earl back into his room. “What did you do!” Then he was sure that he would be suffering a heart attack when Dorian told him.

“Mein Gott! Only you could fuck things up this badly.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“You killed my father!”

“At least he died happy!”

Klaus sputtered at this. “Christ!” He threw his hands in the air, pulling open the door, and stepping into the hall. The butler, Conrad, came out of his father’s room at the same time.

“Everything is being seen to, Master,” Conrad informed.

Klaus nodded, throwing a quick glance into the room. He turned when Dorian opened the door to his room.

“I can’t seem to do anything right this trip,” the Earl moaned.

The butler gave him a sympathetic look. “Oh, please, Lord Gloria, you mustn’t blame yourself,” he said as he crossed to the Earl. “The Master went quite peacefully.”

Dorian could not bring himself to raise his eyes to look at Klaus.

“The doctor thinks it was his heart, but it couldn’t’ve been painful…”

This did cause the Earl to raise his eyes. He noticed that Klaus seemed just as surprised. “Why do you say that?”

“Oh, well…” Conrad hesitated. “The Master had the most contented smile on his face.”

* * *

One Hell Of A Morning After

Coffee can’t fix this.

“Dorian…?”

Dorian swatted the hand at his shoulder away, turning over in bed. “Too early,” he moaned.

“Dorian, wake up!”

“Klaus?” Dorian turned over, seeing Klaus standing over him, an odd look on his face. “What’s the matter?” He scowled over at the clock. “Did I oversleep?”

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

Klaus sat down on the bed and drew a deep breath. “My father…”

Dorian closed his eyes. “He’s not staying another day, is he?”

“No. But…the person he was to be meeting has been delayed, so he’s taking a later train.”

Silence.

“Dorian…”

“Klaus, I don’t think I can go through another disaster like yesterday.”

“Don’t worry about yesterday,” Klaus said mildly. “Father’s aware that you were nervous.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Dorian said as he sat up. “I don’t think I was that nervous on my first big heist.”

“Just put on something simple.” Klaus threw a glance over at the open makeup case. “Do you need any help?”

Dorian’s eyes widened. “Are you volunteering to help me with my makeup?”

“You had three people putting that glop on you at Castle Gloria,” came the logical reply.

Dorian gave the man a bright smile, planting a kiss on his cheek. “If your father weren’t waiting for us, I’d ravage you right here and now.”

Klaus’s eyes flickered. “If my father weren’t waiting for us, I’d let you.”

The smile on Dorian’s face brightened. “I want a rain check for after he leaves,” he said as he hopped out of bed. “Now shoo so I can get ready.”

Klaus watched as the Earl’s naked form vanished into the bathroom and found himself wishing it were afternoon already. He shook this thought from his mind and struggled to be serious. “I’ll be back in an hour,” he called.

“Don’t you dare!” Dorian called back through the door. “I’ll meet you in the dining room. I must be allowed to make my grand entrance.”

“You’re still a narcissistic bastard.”

The door to the bathroom opened and Dorian popped his head out, steam from the already running shower billowing out in a cloud around him. “Please, Klaus, we must be accurate. Elizabeth Gloria is a narcissistic bitch!” So saying, he blew the man a kiss and vanished back into the bathroom.

Klaus rolled his eyes and left, steeling himself for the disaster he felt sure would follow in the Earl’s wake at breakfast.

* * *

To everyone’s relief, breakfast went completely without incident. In fact, Heinz was in a remarkably good mood, much to his son’s amazement. He was all smiles when Dorian appeared at the door of the dining room, and carried on a very animated conversation throughout.

When it was time for Heinz to leave for his train, he gave “Elizabeth” a peck on the cheek. Then he turned to Klaus. “You’ve made a fine choice, Klaus,” he said proudly, shaking his son’s hand. “It seems you were right to wait so long.”

The speechless Klaus nodded dumbly and watched as his father practically skipped down the steps to his waiting car. Dorian came up beside him and watched in silent awe as the car drove off.

“I think your father was replaced by a pod person during the night,” Dorian remarked.

Klaus shook his head, turning to look at the disguised Earl. “I’ve never seen him like that before.”

“Well, you said this would make him delirious.”

“I think it’s made him lose his mind,” Klaus said as he led the way back into the house. “Now go take all that muck off your face, like a good girl.” He could not resist giving Dorian a pat on the behind to punctuate his remark.

Dorian turned, his eyes blazing. “Oh, not you too, please!”

Klaus scowled. “Me too, what?”

Dorian could feel his face flush. “Your father…he…well…”

Klaus’s eyes narrowed. “Ye-es…”

“He…” Dorian drew a deep breath and blurted out, “He pinched my bum!”

This was almost too much for Klaus. His mouth fell open and he was sure his eyes were falling out of his head. “What?” The rest of his words came out in unintelligible sputters.

Dorian took advantage of Klaus’s shock to start toward the main staircase. “He said yesterday was just a bad memory. Then he said that I should come to see him in Switzerland the next time you’re on a lengthy mission. So we could get to know one another better.”

“Gah!” Klaus was quickly losing his ability to communicate in any of the numerous languages he was fluent in. It wasn’t until they were at the top of the stairs that coherent speech returned. “My father…hit on you?”

Dorian turned, his face now in high color. “You should’ve warned me that your father was a letch!”

“That’s rich coming from you!”

“Oh!” Dorian turned on his heel and stormed down the hall. He waved a hand at the room he had sneaked into the night before. “And you can forget my coming to ravage you,” he huffed. “In fact, you can forget a repeat performance of last night!”

“What?” Klaus stopped dead in his tracks. “What happened last night?”

Dorian was at his bedroom door and pushed it open before he looked back at Klaus. “Oh, very funny, Klaus. I say I want to forget all about it, so now you pretend it didn’t happen.”

Klaus turned a horrified look over to the door the Earl was waving at. “You went into that room last night?” he said slowly.

“As you know perfectly well! The first room on the right.”

“You idiot! My room is the first on right coming from the stairs!”

Now it was Dorian who had a horrified look on his face. “What!”

“What did you do?”

“I thought it was you!”

Several hundred things went through Klaus’s mind, none of which made him feel any less queasy. “What did you do!”

“I…I…” Dorian stammered a minute before blurting out, “I gave him a blow job!”

Klaus put a hand to his head and slid into a chair beside the wall. He wasn’t sure if he felt faint, sick, or just plain numb. “Mein Gott! Only you could fuck up simple directions.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“You…you… With my father!”

“At least he was happy with your fiancée when he left,” Dorian said feebly.

Klaus continued to sputter. “Christ!” He threw his hands in the air. “If you weren’t going to hell before, you certainly are now!”

“Klaus, this isn’t funny.”

“Do you see me laughing?”

The sound of someone loudly clearing their throat caused the pair to break off the argument and turn. At the end of the hallway, Conrad stood with an envelope in his hand. “Excuse me, sir—” A small smile came to his face as he corrected himself. “Sirs.”

“What is it?” Klaus snapped impatiently.

“Your father asked me to give this to…” The butler cleared his throat. “Lady Elizabeth.”

Dorian exchanged a baffled look with Klaus. He took the envelope, thanking Conrad at the same time. The butler gave a slight bow and left, returning to his duties on the ground floor.

“If that’s a love letter, I will be violently ill,” Klaus said as the Earl tore open the envelope.

Lady Elizabeth,
By now you have probably discovered your blunder of last night.
My son is very lucky to have found a woman has loving and talented as yourself.
And if you should ever lose your way again, please make it in my direction.
-- Heinz

“I guess this means we have your father’s blessing,” Dorian said as he handed the note to Klaus, who read it and then started to curse in every language he knew.

“Now what?” Dorian said, scowling down at him. “This is good news. Why are you still treating it like the end of the world?”

Klaus looked up, meeting his gaze. “I had Conrad give my father a note, too.”

“Oh?”

“I explained about…us.” Klaus stared into space. “This is gonna kill him.”

Dorian’s eyes flickered and he pulled a sealed envelope from the bodice of his dress. “You mean this note, my love?”

Klaus looked up, a smile of admiration spreading across his face. “You bloody thief!” This sounded more like a compliment than an accusation.

Dorian flashed him a dazzling smile, taking him by the hand, and pulling him to his feet. He gave him a passionate kiss before dragging him into the bedroom. “Come with me, lover. If you’re gonna be angry with me for creating a whole new sin, you should at least know all the details.”

* * *