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WEDNESDAY
Time: Wednesday, 09:56:03
From: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
To: magnum44@yahoo.de
Subject: Tomorrow

Dear Major:

Have privileged info that tomorrow is your birthday. Best wishes and shall I swing 'round about half past 7:00 for dinner?

Eroica, with love

___________________________

Time: Wednesday, 10:32:56
From: magnum44@yahoo.de
To: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: RE: Tomorrow

Eroica:

Fuck off.

Eberbach

___________________________

Time: Wednesday, 12:01:15
From: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
To: magnum44@yahoo.de
Subject: Grumpy Bugger

Dear Major:

Come dear, that is no way to treat old friend! Scoffing at friendly invitation, blatant disregard for civility. Mustn't spend birthday alone. Drinks at least.

Eroica, with much-bruised love

___________________________

Time: Wednesday, 13:15:09
From: magnum44@yahoo.de
To: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: RE: Grumpy Bugger

Bloody wanker:

Quite happy to spend birthday alone. Alone preferred to foppish, perverse company who can't keep hands to self.

Reiterate: Fuck off.

Eberbach

____________________________

Time: Wednesday, 13:46:29
From: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
To: magnum44@yahoo.de
Subject: Plans, Nonetheless

Dear Major:

Repeated disregard for friendly invitation makes caring dificult, but care I must. Shall vow to keep hands to self. Drinks at 8:00. Will find you.

Eroica, with chaste, well-behaved love

____________________________

Time: Wednesday, 16:56:03
From: magnum44@yahoo.de
To: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: target practice

Obstinate Cow:

Will shoot you if you come near me tomorrow.

Eberbach

____________________________

Time: Wednesday, 16:56:32
From: magnum44@yahoo.de
To: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: addendum to target practice

Aforementioned Obstinate Cow:

Not kidding.

Eberbach

____________________________

Time: Wednesday, 17:30:22
From: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
To: magnum44@yahoo.de
Subject: Revision

Dearest belligerent Major:

Tell me something I don't know.

Plan Revision: Meet you at the Schloss for drinks, keep hands to self, promise to stay away for three whole months.

Eroica, with persistent love

____________________________

Time: Wednesday, 18:05:48
From: magnum44@yahoo.de
To: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: trauma-induced coma

Idiot Fop:

Deal. Come by. Bullet in brain should keep you in hospital at least six months. If dead, all the better.

Eberbach


THURSDAY
Time: Thursday, 11:44:23
From: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
To: magnum44@yahoo.de
Subject: Happy Birthday!

Good Morning Major:

Looking forward to our engagement. Shall bring the Moselle.

Eroica, with not-scared-of-you-so-there love

____________________________

Time: Thursday, 15:02:47
From: magnum44@yahoo.de
To: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: happy homicide

Limey Git:

Forget Moselle. Bring raincoat to protect pansy clothing from copious amount of blood. Also, list of next-of-kin.

Eberbach

____________________________

Time: Thursday, 19:07:38
From: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
To: magnum44@yahoo.de
Subject: Out the Door...

Darling Major:

Most thoughtful to consider my wardrobe, shall make note of suggestions.

Eroica, with last-minute love


FRIDAY
Time: Friday, 12:57:13
From: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
To: magnum44@yahoo.de
Subject: Last Night

Dearest Major:

So sorry to have been unable to keep hands to self. Felt morally obligated after you failed to do same. Marvelous evening, however. Stars fell. Angels wept.

Eroica, with most ardent love

____________________________

Time: Friday, 01:06:37
From: magnum44@yahoo.de
To: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: RE: Last Night

Eroica:

Ridiculous, foppish, romantic drivel. Have once again proven self to be moron.

Eberbach

____________________________

Time: Friday, 01:10:45
From: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
To: magnum44@yahoo.de
Subject: Tonight

Iron Klaus:

Repeat tonight, then?

Eroica, with hopeful love

____________________________

Time: Friday, 01:12:03
From: magnum44@yahoo.de
To: dorianred@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: ASAP

Eroica:

You bet.

Eberbach
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