Arashi- *looks around at the Eroica cast* Okay everybody, gather around! The muses are having a game day!

*Everybody groans*

Arashi- I know, I know...maybe we'll be lucky and they'll actually FINISH this one and we won't have it hanging over our heads.

Tamahome- *from off stage* HAH! Where have we heard THAT before?

Arashi- Oh shut up. *grumble* Anyway, I need to make sure we have everyone we need, so just sit tight for a moment. *runs through list of characters* Ah shit, we need a Dorian look alike...

Mischa- Leave me out of this decadent, Western story, and I'll lend you one of mine.

Arashi- Mmmm, sorry, need someone with a name. *light bulb appears* I know! I'll be right back! *runs over to the time machine in the corner. takes off.*

*Everybody fidgets*

Dorian- Who do you suppose he could be getting?

Klaus- I dunno...If he were going after a look alike of ME, I'd have a guess, but you...?

Dorian- True, Tyrian wouldn't work for...*eyes widen* Oh no. No, he WOULDN'T!

Klaus- Huh? Wouldn't what?

*time machine lands again with a clatter. The door pops open and a string of cursing comes out, followed by a blond with a red bandana tied over his head.*

Benedict- What be the meaning of this?

Arashi- I need you for a story. *calling back into the machine* Tyrian! Get your purple clad posterior out here!

Tyrian- Not 'til a hot January!

Arashi- Get out here or I'll rework the casting and make you marry Benedict! And I'll put YOU in the dress!

Tyrian- *hurries out* All right! All right! *grumbles darkly*

Arashi- okay then, let's get this show on the road! AHEM! Presenting...

"Eroica the Gay Blade"
by Kashu Arashi

________
Prologue
________

The moon hung low in the Spanish sky.

Benedict- English.

Arashi- Huh?

Benedict- English sky! I'm pure English, Tyrian's the Spanish one!

Arashi- You aren't at home, you're out of the country. *thinks about it* Although you're right, it wouldn't be Spain.

The moon hung low in the Arabian sky. The insects sent their song out on the gentle breeze. Somewhere in the desert, a fat little man with a load of Dead Sea Tupperware wandered past singing about "Arabian Nights". All of this was carried through the billowing curtains of the harem window, and lost upon the ears of the dark skinned youth reclining on the bed within. All of his attention was devoted to the golden haired god before him.

"Benedict..." The youth sighed contently. "Tell me, why do you come here? To see me? It's so dangerous..."

"Because, Haalun," The golden man purred back, seductively, "You are the most beautiful, intoxicating thing in the world. More potent than wine, with hair richer than velvet, and eyes like fine jewels."

The youth smiled, resting his head on the blond's shoulder. The smile faded quickly, however, and he looked up with sorrowful eyes. "Then why doesn't Salim say that?"

Salim- WAITAMINUTE! I'm not GAY! That blond CHEAT might like boys...

Dorian- Actually, Haalun was a bit young for me.

Benedict- *shying away from the boy* He's REALLY young for me!

Salim- ...But I don't!

Arashi- Well Dorian does and he's the main character in this. You're just a piddling little side character. Shut up and take it like a man. Benedict's dealing just fine.

Benedict- *TWITCH!*

Salim- *grumble*

"Because," Benedict ran his fingers soothingly over the boy's cheek, "He is not competent, not appreciative..."

Without warning, the curtain of beads that served as a curtain was flung back and a furious Salim al Saaba stormed into the room, saber drawn. "And he is NOT in Jerusalem!"

"Salim!" Eyes wide, Benedict hastily abandoned the bed, reaching for his own rapier. Once he was properly armed, he adopted an expression of offended dignity. "I'm amazed you would enter my chamber without my permission!"

"I might say the same about you and my harem boy!" Salim retorted, lunging for the blond Englishman.

Benedict dodged easily. "Really, Salim, you might want to rethink this! You're a businessman, hardly used to fighting," Another round of thrusts and parries ensued, "While I'm a dashing sea man who's been using a blade since I could walk! It hardly seems a fair match! I don't mean to insult you, my dear Salim," A quick flick of the blade against the Arabian man's unprotected wrist disarmed him completely, leaving Benedict grinning at him roguishly, "But I could fight four men such as you!"

"I know." Salim admitted, rubbing his wrist and eyeing his adversary warily. "That's why I brought my five brothers!"

In a flutter of robes, the five aforementioned men streamed into the room, brandishing their sabers menacingly. Benedict drew back, wincing slightly. This was turning ugly, and doing it at an alarming speed. "Did I say four?" A slightly nervous chuckle left his lips. "What an arrogant braggart I am! Why don't we do this properly? Pull up some chairs, have a nice cup of tea..."

Salim had, by this time, retrieved his sword. "Kill him!"

As one the five brothers surged forward. Benedict weaved and dodged as best he could, managing to avoid the blows only by some miracle of god and the director. Haalun assisted as best he could, beating the nearest Arab over the head with a pillow.

Benedict- Okay, I could get to like the boy...

Haalun- *BEAM!*

"I would ask you gentlemen one last time to desist!" Benedict warned, narrowly missing a sword point in his throat. "Or else I'll be forced to call Bonham, my terrible, mute servant!"

Bonham- HEY! I'm not mute!

Arashi- No, and you're not Benedict's servant either. Unfortunately, the script calls for muteness so zip it and start signing!

Bonham- I don't know sign language!

Arashi- Neither does half the audience! Fake it!

Benedict- And how am I supposed to know what he's saying?

Arashi- Read the script.

As if on cue, the beads parted once more and a small, slightly chubby man dashed into the fray, frantically waving a piece of paper in front of Benedict's face.

"A letter?" Benedict ducked beneath one of the men's sabers. "Do you really think this is the time?"

The servant nodded frantically.

"Well then, hurry up! Read it too me!" Benedict ordered, rolling his eyes slightly and trying not to get skewered. Bonham moved his hands in a series of slow, wide gestures that Benedict caught out of the corner of his eye. "Benedict....my...son...come...home! Father wishes me to return!" Smiling broadly at the thought of returning to California...

Benedict- ENGLAND! I'M ENGLISH!

Arashi- But Zorro is Spanish/Californian! And Tyrian is at least half-Spanish, so it works just fine for him!

Benedict- *groan* This had better have one hell of an ending!

Arashi- ...m working on it...

Smiling broadly at the thought of returning to California, Benedict extracted himself from the fray and made his way to the window. Framed by the stone sill and the dark Arabian sky outside, he smiled at Haalun, who was still crouched in the center of the bed, watching him longingly. "Take care, my love! In shah Allah!" Tossing his rapier to the dark skinned youth, he turned and jumped out the window, landing safely in the seat of the carriage parked conveniently outside. Holding his nose between his thumb and forefinger, Bonham followed suite.

"Where to sir?" The driver asked, looking calmly back over his shoulder as if people leaped out of windows and into his carriage on a regular basis.

"Los Angeles California, my good man," Benedict smiled back casually, as if HE were used to jumping into carriages on a regular basis, "And do try to be quick about it!"

End prologue!

Arashi- See? That wasn't so painful, was it?

Benedict- *rubbing his neck where a saber nicked him* Speak for yer self!

Dorian- I didn't get a single line!

Arashi- Mmmm, give it a couple more scenes.

Benedict- May I get back to trying to kill Tyrian now?

Arashi- No, I still need you both. Salim and Haalun can take off though...

Salim- Thank Allah! *stalks out of the room*

Arashi- Okay everyone, take five while we do a scene change.

Benedict breathed in deeply, enjoying the familiar smells of heat, dust, barnyard animals, and people who'd been working too long without baths. A positively blissful smile crossed his lips. "Ah, Los Angeles California... birth place of *me*!"

Benedict- Where the bloody HELL is California? 've never even heard of it!

Arashi- In the New World, dear. We know you weren't born there, so don't start. Just shut up and say your lines.

Benedict- *glare* When this's done with, I challenge ye, to a duel!

Arashi- Whatever.

"I wonder why no one's come to great me?" Blue eyes gazed curiously around the plaza. It was mostly empty, save for a few peasants drinking in the tavern or chasing geese across the dusty road. "I don't expect the royal treatment, but at least one good looking, scantily clad servant boy would be nice!"

As if on cue, two horses appeared at the entrance to the plaza, pulling an elaborate carriage behind them, heading steadily toward him. The carriage turned slightly so that the door faced Benedict and through the window the blond could see a face. While familiar, the face belonged to no servant, and odds were very good its owner was fully clothed, however...

//Well, one out of three isn't *too* bad!//
Slightly cool hazel eyes looked back at him, almost as if sizing him up.
Combined with an aristocratically straight nose, a strong, square jaw line, and one of the most kissable mouths Benedict had ever had the pleasure of seeing, the man in the carriage was beyond 'good looking'. *Far* beyond it!

The carriage pulled to a halt, the door swinging open as if on its own. Expensive, highly polished boots settled against the pavement. The tight, white pants tucked into the tops...

Dorian- What? No TIGHTS?

Arashi- Sorry love. I WAS going to use them, but I figured that since the movie had proper uniforms, we should use those for canon sake.

Dorian- Oh really! You can't tell me you give a hang about canon, if you did you wouldn't be writing this! And you HATE those uniforms! Stop lying and tell me the real reason we don't get the tights! *glower*

Arashi- *sweatdrop* Well, if you MUST know, I, erm, made the mistake of handing the costumes out before hand...

Dorian- How is THAT a mistake?

*unmistakable sound of a magnum being loaded.*

Dorian- Oh.

Arashi- EXACTLY. Don't worry though, I didn't use the movie uniforms -- I borrowed a couple of others instead.

Treize- *poking his head in from the hall* Excuse me, but I WILL be getting my clothing back eventually, yes? Because while Miri looks SMASHING in the NATO uniform, erm... *plucks at top* This isn't my color.

Arashi- I'll get your uniforms back a.s.a.p. In the meantime, why don't you just do something that doesn't involve clothes?

Treize- *slow grin* A smashing idea!

The carriage pulled to a halt, the door swinging open as if on its own. Expensive, highly polished boots settled against the pavement. The tight, white pants tucked into the tops accentuated a pair of long, nicely shaped legs. As the man straightened, shoulders squared, pulling the royal blue fabric of his jacket tight across a well formed chest, it was all Benedict could do to keep from drooling. //I've been away *far* too long!//

The man paced forward a few steps, much like a stalking panther, and came to a stop directly in front of Benedict, hazel eyes locking firmly with blue. "Benedict, my old friend."

"Tyrian Persimmon," Benedict smiled back. "My childhood companion."

Benedict- WHAT?!? *draws sword and advances on the author* That thrice damned fucking rat bastard was never any companion of... .MPH! *finds rag shoved in his mouth*

Arashi- *not looking up from the script* Thank you Z. Anyway, Benedict, it doesn't MATTER that you think he's the scum of the earth. What matters is, in this movie, your characters were friends, so DEAL! *nods at Tyrian* Your line.

"It's Capitan Persimmon." Tyrian all but purred, indicating the perfect white diamond on his uniform's breast.

"Capitan Persimmon." One of Benedict's eyebrows raised appreciatively. //Not too surprising. Tyrian's always been an stubborn, ambitious cuss... but who knew he'd look so good in *uniform*!// His smile, already warm with welcome, spread further. "Congratulations!"

Whatever response Benedict had *expected* that comment to illicit, it's *wasn't* what he got! "Weapons ready!" Tyrian snapped, eyes suddenly hard as the dozen or so guards stationed around the plaza pulled their rifles to their sides. "Weapons raised!" Every rifle in the square was suddenly raised, ready to be directed wherever the Capitan desired. For a brief moment, Benedict had a sinking feeling that said direction was going to be at him! Tyrian's eyes lit up, a smug, satisfied smirk stretching his mouth at Benedict's tense expression. "Relax."

The breath he didn't know he'd been holding escaped Benedict's lungs as the rifles were lowered again and Tyrian half swaggered forward to drape an arm around his shoulders. The contact sent a small tremor through the blond, and not *entirely* one of pleasure either!

"Not bad, eh?" Tyrian purred, voice low and husky in Benedict's ear.

"Tyrian?" A high pitched voice sounded from the carriage, half demanding, half-tremulous. Shortly, a pair of rich, green eyes followed. "Tyrian, what's going on?"

Arm still around Benedict's shoulder, Tyrian moved back toward the carriage. Raising his voice slightly, he addressed the pair of eyes. "You remember Lord Benedict?"

"Benedict? AH!" With a joyous shriek and a flurry of skirts, a small figure flew out of the carriage and launched itself into Benedict's arms, effectively knocking the wind out of him. "BENEDICT!"

Benedict was still trying to get his breath back as Tyrian leaned, smirking, up against the carriage door, gesturing casually to the bundle of energy and short blond hair curled tightly around him. "You of course remember G, who we competed for as boys?"

Benedict- What IS that?!?

Tyrian- I don't know, but it's certainly worth lookin' at.

Benedict- *without looking punches Tyrian in the gut*

Tyrian- OOF! What the bloody hell was that 'bout?

Benedict- 'Twas for being you. *looks at Arashi* Now, would you mind tellin' us if that answers to "Miss" or "Mister"?

Arashi- Just use feminine pronouns for now... I might have you change later, but I doubt it.

G- YAY! I get to be a GIRL!

"Oh, of course he remembers!" G gushed, batting long, perfectly curled eyelashes up at Benedict. Now that he could breath again, Benedict was beginning to have memories of a small, skinny child in ruffles playing with an curl on the porch of a big house as he and Tyrian tried to bash the hell out of each other with their toy swords.

"I can't believe it!" He smiled down at the delicate, blushing thing in his arms. G laughed and pulled back slightly. There was a vague urge to reach out and muss G's short cropped hair, but somehow he refrained. "The little bud was promising, but the full flower is a rare and wondrous thing!"

If the blatant compliment made G twitter like some sort of nesting bird, it made Tyrian's eyes go slightly cold. A thin layer of ice rimmed his response. "The full flower is now my wife."

//Oops.// Benedict managed not to wince, somehow. //Put my foot in that one!// There was no avoiding the slight, awkward pause that followed the announcement as Benedict frantically wracked his brain for a graceful way out of what had the potential to be a very sticky situation. "So," He ventured tentatively, "All the plans I've been making to seduce her upon my return have been wasted, eh?" Encouraged when that *almost* coaxed a smile back onto Tyrian's face, he took G's hand firmly yet chastely in his own, shaking vigorously. "Again I congratulate you!"

"This time, he should congratulate *you*." A wry voice drawled. Surprised, Benedict blinked over G's head and into the carriage where he perceived there was a *third* person he hadn't noticed before, one who's behavior seemed to upset G immensely.

"Klaus!" The petite blond huffed, almost prettily. "Is that anyway to talk about your mother?"

Dorian- *chokes on his tea and busts up laughing*

Klaus- Justaminutehere! *points at G* How is HE supposed to be MY mother?!?

Benedict- So it IS male!

Tyrian- *lecherous grin* I dunna mind.

Arashi- *to Klaus* It's called artistic license dear. I needed to fit you both in SOMEHOW!

Klaus- Damnit! *glower*

"Ah, of course, you wouldn't have met." Tyrian chuckled openly now, ignoring his wife's indignant protest. "Allow me to introduce my son, Klaus."

Benedict's eyes widened slightly as a young man who could have easily passed himself off for Tyrian's twin brother slid out of the carriage. His hair was slightly darker than Tyrian's, nearly black, and somewhat shorter, the tips just brushing his shoulders where his father's hair tumbled in a heavy walnut hued wave down his back. Klaus's eyes were also different, a pale, jade green that seemed to look right *through* Benedict, making the blond decidedly uneasy. He was dressed in a similar uniform, only without the double-breast and in a deep, blood red color. All in all...

*smashing sound as Dorian's tea cup hits the floor*

Dorian- *looking stunned* Oops... sorry, I just... *looks back at Klaus* Darling, wear that color more often!

Klaus- *GLARE!* Stop interrupting to give me asinine instructions you sick fag!

All in all, it made for a very impressive combination.

"Well... " Benedict floundered for a moment, trying to shake the impression that the young man in front of him was going to cause him to spontaneously combust. "It's certainly a pleasure to meet you." Not a very good attempt at a conversation starter, and one that seemed doomed to failure until a colossal sneeze drew everyone's attention to Bonham. The pudgy little servant had dropped Benedict's gloves and was struggling to pick them up without dropping anything *else* from the large armful he'd been handed. Leaning in unconsciously, a move that made him feel silly as soon as he'd done it because there really was no *reason* for such an action, Benedict gestured to the man. "Bonham, my servant. He's mute, he can't speak."

"Maybe he can give lessons to my mother." Klaus suggested dryly, eyeing Bonham with little interest.

//Dear God, has someone replaced that boy's soul with a block of iron or something?// Benedict wondered, watching G glare up at him. In all of his years and travels, Benedict couldn't remember *ever* meeting someone who seemed so... cold. //How did G and Tyrian manage to turn out *that*?//

Turning a determined, almost desperate smile on Benedict, G purred. "Oh, Benedict! It's so good to see you, even under the circumstances."

"What circumstances?" Tyrian's attention, which had been wandering around the plaza, suddenly returned to the conversation with the speed of a stooping hawk. Next to him, Klaus stiffened, his hard gaze growing even sharper, if such a thing were possible.

Benedict took an unconscious step back, swallowing. //Something's going on here,// his instincts screamed at him, //Something not at *all* pleasant!// More than slightly confused by his old friend's highly mercurial attitude, the blond shrugged, smiling helplessly. "All I know is that my father sent me a letter telling me he wished for my return, and the next thing I know, I find my oldest friend has taken his place as Alcalde."

Dorian- Are you certain you spelled that right?

Arashi- Not at all, but we didn't learn that one in Spanish class, I've never seen it spelled, and so I'm left guessing. *peers at the term in question* I don't even rightly know if it's one word or two... *shrug*

"Actually, my friend, I'm only *acting* as Alcalde." Tyrian demurred, sliding almost threateningly behind G. His voice took on a very solemn, almost grave note. "Your father, I hate to say, has had a terribly accident."

"Accident?" Benedict repeated dumbly, his throat going dry. "What *kind* of accident?"

"He was out riding when some hunter mistook his horse for a deer." Tyrian reported, his voice carefully devoid of all emotion, his eyes watching Benedict's face *very* closely. "The horse was shot and rolled on your father when it went down. He didn't survive. Your mother died from grief shortly thereafter."

"Mother?" Benedict stared straight at his old friend with the look of a panicked rabbit, willing him to take back what he'd just said, to break out laughing and say that it was all a joke, but he didn't. The world seemed to have been yanked violently out from under his feet. He took a shaky step backwards, toward his carriage, voice trembling. "Oh... no. I... I'm sorry, I must... " He didn't even finish the sentence before turning and all but running back tot he carriage. Bonham piled in ahead of him. He wasn't even aware that Tyrian had followed him to the carriage until he heard the other man's voice right behind him.

"I just want you to know, my friend," Tyrian smiled grimly, "The hunter responsible for this tragedy has been executed." Before Benedict could respond, Tyrian was ordering the carriage on its way.

As Benedict thundered out of sight, Tyrian turned, stalking back to the carriage, his glare locked on G.

Apparently oblivious to any danger, the blond blinked. "But I thought you said... "

"Not a word out of you!" Tyrian hissed, grabbing his wife by the arm and all but thrusting her into the carriage. "Come along, Klaus."

"Yes father."

Dorian- Her?

Arashi- Always address them as the gender they,re dressed as. *nod*

Benedict knelt, staring blankly at the graves in front of him, a thin trail of tears making their way down his cheeks. "Father... " His voice faltered. "Father, I'm sorry... I came as quickly as I could. I'm *sorry*."

End Chapter 1

Benedict- Hunter? Hunter my ass! *drawing his sword again* Tyrian y, lying piece of sea shit, draw and answer for yer' crimes!

Arashi- EEP! Benedict, Benedict calm DOWN! *reaches around Benedict for the sword*

Tyrian- *drawing his own sword* I k'n handle m'self against that blond pansy! Let 'im be!

Dorian- *from the side lines* Oh dear. Maybe you should have left it where Benedict's father's horse was scared by a turtle...

Arashi- *now draped over Benedict's back, arms around the pirate's neck grasping frantically for the sword* Yeah right, like Benedict would have believed THAT one! Klaus, would you PLEASE try to do something about your ancestor?

Klaus- *ducking a not-too-serious swing from Tyrian's blade* I'm trying Gott damnit! I'm trying!

Arashi- RIGHT! Five minute break people, and HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!