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Story Notes:
None of this belongs to me - the characters belong to Yasuko Aoike and pretty much all the dialogue belongs to Oscar Wilde. I'm just the crazy person who melded them.

Major Klaus Heinz Von Dem Eberbach was not having a good day. In fact he was having an extremely trying day, if not month, at the NATO offices in Bonn. Passing a flashy car in the sweeping driveway – one he should have, in retrospect, recognised – he entered Schloss Eberbach in a bad mood, but relieved to be home. His butler came to meet him and took his coat and briefcase.


"Good evening, sir." Klaus nodded once. "Sir, may I take the liberty of informing you that you have a visitor in the library?"


"Who?" Klaus asked sharply.


"The Earl of Red Gloria, sir." The butler busied himself with tidying away the Major’s belongings.


"That…What is that infernal pervert doing in my house?" Klaus fought to keep a tight lid on his anger.


"The Earl mentioned it was a matter of business significance, sir. I thought it best to inform you before I showed him out."


"Ja…danke." Frowning in his distraction, Klaus marched in the direction of the library. It was probably wiser not to leave Eroica unaccompanied in his house longer than necessary.


"Major, darling. So wonderful to see you!" The cheerful greeting did nothing to ease Klaus’ temper.


"What are you doing in my house, thief?"


"Why, darling. To see you, of course."


Klaus rolled his eyes.


"You will have to leave at once. I don’t allow perverts in my home." The butler entered behind him.


"I have put the Earl’s things in the room next to yours, sir. I suppose that is all right?"


"Was?" Klaus demanded, his train of thought temporarily derailed.


"Earl Gloria’s luggage, sir. I have unpacked it and put it in the room next to your own."


Even thought both master and servant were talking in German, Dorian seemed to be able to follow – or at least guess at – most of what was being said, and was consequently having trouble concealing his grin.


"His luggage?" Klaus repeated.


"Yes, sir." The Major’s ever-patient butler informed him. "Three suitcases, a coat bag, two hat-boxes and a large luncheon basket."


"I’m afraid I can’t stay more than a week this time." Dorian interjected. Klaus ignored him.


"Hans, order the Earl’s car to be brought to the front door at once. Earl Gloria has been suddenly called back to England."


"Yes, sir." The butler vanished as smoothly as he had arrived.


"What a fearful liar you are, Klaus. I have not been called back to England at all."


Klaus glared harder until his expression very nearly became a glower.


"Yes, you have."


"I haven’t heard anyone call me." Eroica said, injecting a patently false note of confusion into his tone. He threw himself down onto a chair, immediately lounging back in it. Klaus noticed, with another stab of anger, that Dorian had a snifter of what looked like his best brandy in one hand.


"Your duty as a gentleman calls you back." He informed the Earl stiffly, and moved over to the side table to pour himself a drink.


"My duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree."


The Major snorted.


"I can quite understand that."


"Well, G is a darling." Dorian continued softly, looking up through his eyelashes at Klaus, who blinked in confusion for a second at the abrupt change of topic.


"You are not to talk of Agent G like that. I don’t like it."


Eroica smiled.


"Well, I don’t like your clothes. You look perfectly ridiculous in them." Understandable from Dorian’s point of view, as Klaus was wearing a hideous, off-the-rack suit. "Why don’t you go up and change? It is perfectly childish to appear dressed like that in front of a man who is staying for a whole week with you in your house as a guest. I call it grotesque."


Klaus put the glass down before he shattered it in his anger and moved to stand over the thief, hoping to intimidate the slightly younger man.


"You are certainly not staying with me for a whole week as a guest or anything else. You have got to leave."


Unfortunately Klaus had very rarely been able to intimidate the infuriating Englishman, and this was obvious not one of those very rare occasions.


"I certainly won’t leave you so long as you are so obviously angry. It would be most unfriendly. If I were in such a state you would stay with me, I suppose. I should think it very unkind if you didn’t."


The Major retreated slightly as Dorian raked his gaze over him.


"Well, will you go if I change my clothes and calm down?"


The Earl smiled again, blue eyes twinkling with delight.


"Yes, if you are not too long. I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result."


"Well, at any rate, that is better than being always overdressed as you are." Klaus snapped.


Eroica drew himself up, clearly affronted.


"If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated and attractive."


Klaus snorted again.


"Your vanity is ridiculous, your conduct an outrage, and your presence in my library utterly absurd. However, you have to return to England, and I hope you will have a pleasant journey back. This visit has not been a great success for you." He whirled around and stormed out, only just catching the words Dorian muttered after his exit.


"I think it has been a great success. I’ve seen you, and as I am in love with you, that is everything."


Scoffing to himself, Klaus made his way up to his room, confident that his order for the Earl to leave would be obeyed. Dorian smiled to himself ruefully. He would leave – as soon as he had found out what was wrong with his Major and fixed it.

Chapter End Notes:
Please review - if you have time! :) This is my first Eroica fanfic... *big puppy eyes*
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