CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

DON’T LET ME DIE

Jason did not even pause when he entered the TARDIS. He shot through the console room and was practically through the inner door by the time Eroica registered his presence. The Earl scarcely had time to notice the bloodied form entwined in his tendrils before he was gone. The Doctor and the Major entered moments later. From the dejected looks on their faces, it was obvious that the alien had eluded them again, leaving Turlough as the latest casualty.

After a moment, Eroica turned to follow Jason. He was uncertain as to whether he would remember the way to the sickbay. Then he realized he did not need to. All he had to do was follow the trail of blood. Another thought flashed through his mind and he paused just inside the inner door, throwing a quick look back into the console room. No, if Turlough were dead, Jason wouldn’t have been moving so quickly.

Neither the Doctor nor the Major took any notice of the Earl’s departure, both being too intent on berating themselves for what had happened to Turlough.

The Doctor pulled the door lever, took a few steps toward the inner door, and stopped, giving a chair Eroica had just vacated a savage kick and sending it skittering across the room. He picked up the chair’s mate and threw it as hard as he could in the opposite direction, a roar of anger escaping him.

Suddenly the Major was holding him by the arms, preventing him from doing any further damage to the console room. “Doctor, this will not help the boy,” he said firmly.

The Doctor pulled out of the officer’s grasp, his eyes blazing with a murderous rage. “You’re a fine one to talk, Major,” he spat back. “This is my fault! Turlough could die, and it’s my fault!”

“Nein. The boy—” the Major broke off, correcting himself. “Turlough—was my responsibility. I should never have allowed us to get separated.”

“I appreciate what you’re saying,” the Doctor replied in a slightly calmer tone, “but my companions are my responsibility. I brought him here, got him mixed up in this…mess. Will I never learn? I’ve already lost one companion.” He turned his gaze toward the inner door. “Now I may lose another. And for what? It’s so…senseless!”

The Major gave the Doctor an astonished look. He had once accused the Doctor of having a total lack of responsibility, of leaving after the fight with an alien invader was over, of leaving others to clean up his mess, which often included several deaths. It had never occurred to him that one of those deaths might be someone traveling with the Doctor, despite the fact that he himself had saved Jason’s life while he was the Doctor’s traveling companion. Yet, the Doctor himself always seemed to come away unscathed, unaffected by it all. Unaffected, that is, until now.

“Then do something about it!” Klaus snapped angrily. “This is a time machine!”

“If you’re about to ask me to go back and stop this from happening, don’t,” the Doctor said firmly. “There are rules even I cannot break.”

“Then what good is it?” Klaus thundered back. “What good is a time machine if you can’t use it to save your friends?”

“Don’t you think I would if I could?” the Doctor countered forcefully. “One of my companions died, Major!* And I could do nothing to prevent it.” He thumped a fist on the console in frustration. “It would’ve been so easy to just turn back the clock. Snatch him away before—” He broke off, giving another chair a savage kick and sending it skittering across the room to join the first. He was shaking with anger and frustration. “There are greater consequences to consider than what I want!” Why do humans always want to change things? Why do I always want to change things?
* Earthshock

The Major stood silently a moment before saying, “Then I am sorry for you.”

The Doctor turned, his expression one of shock and outrage. It was almost laughable. A human feeling sorry for a Time Lord. “You feel sorry for me?”

“Yes. I’m not the only one who wishes they could change the past. I thought you had this power, Doctor. Now you tell me that you don’t. That you never did. That not even you, in this marvelous machine, can change anything.” The Major gave him a piercing look. “If I’m to believe what you say, then your so-called power over Time is an illusion.”

The Doctor stood staring into space. An illusion. Was everything he did an illusion? A way of fooling himself into thinking it was all for some noble purpose, when in reality nothing in the bigger picture ever really changed? “Am I just fooling myself?” he said quietly before turning to meet the officer’s challenging gaze. “I’m a fraud, Major. It’s all been for nothing.”

Klaus snorted, waving a hand in the air. “Now you sound like the Earl when he feels sorry for himself.” He casually lit a cigarette, looking the Time Lord up and down. “It doesn’t suit you, Doctor. You’re not the kind of man who whines.”

The Doctor’s eyes flashed. “Major, I do believe you’re actually being supportive.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” the Major replied, a faint smile curling his lips as he blew smoke into the air. “I don’t know how to be supportive. You said so yourself.”

“Then I apologize. It seems I was wrong.”

Klaus met the Time Lord’s intense gaze. He had been partially successful in getting the Doctor’s mind off Turlough. There was nothing either of them could do for him. Jason would either work another miracle, or he would not. If they didn’t want this to happen again, the Doctor needed to concentrate his encyclopedic brain on finding a solution.

“If that’s so, then what else might you’ve been wrong about?” the Major asked challengingly.

* * *

Eroica was in the observation room of the sickbay, watching Jason in an awed silence. The Alterran was in the surgery on the other side of the window, still in his true form. He had placed Turlough on the operating table beneath a glowing light the thief remembered from his own time as the Healer’s patient. Jason had told him it was a sterile field that protected his patient from infection. Considering the massive wounds that covered Turlough’s body, Eroica felt certain the boy needed all the help he could get.

Jason was moving fast. Incredibly fast, his tendrils seeming to flash in several directions at once. Eroica could not follow everything he was doing in his frenzy of activity. He was bewildered when the Alterran came to an abrupt halt for a few minutes before beginning the frenzy again.

Eroica noticed the speaker in the wall and realized it connected into the operating room. He turned it on just as Jason stopped again. When his quiet, gentle voice came through the speaker, Eroica felt ill as he came to the horrifying realization that Turlough was still fully conscious.

* * *

Jason was unaware of anything save getting to the sickbay. He practically flew down the corridors. The TARDIS seemed to recognize the urgency, aiding in his mad dash to save one of her crew, a new door appearing that led into the sickbay rather than another lengthy corridor. Jason whispered his gratitude as he made straight for the surgery.

As soon as Jason laid Turlough on the operating table, all the monitors connected to it came to life. A split second later, the Healer saw his patient’s heart rate jump dramatically, his respiration joining it. The boy was obviously terrified.

“Turlough, don’t be afraid. I know you’re conscious,” Jason said gently, his tendrils flashing in several directions as he prepared his friend for surgery. “And I know you can’t answer me.” He paused a moment, searching for any kind of a response. “I don’t know how that thing is still affecting you, but the paralysis will wear off.”

Turlough seemed to calm down upon hearing this. His heart rate slowed slightly, as did his breathing. Encouraged, Jason told him what he was doing, and what he was preparing to do. “I can’t risk a general anesthetic without knowing what that thing used on you.” He squeezed his friend’s hand. “But I don’t want to hurt you, either. Can you move your eyes at all?”

Turlough’s eyes continued to stare into space, his only response being a slight flicker of his eyelids. Obviously, the answer was no.

Jason tried not to sound disappointed. “Try to close them for me.”

Turlough made a valiant attempt, managing to partially close his eyes.

“That’s enough. How far can you open them?”

Again, Turlough’s eyelids flickered.

“That’s fine. I’m going to ask you yes or no questions as I work. Open your eyes as you just did for yes. Close them as best you can for no. Okay?” Jason smiled inwardly as his patient’s eyelids flickered again. “Excellent. First question. Are you in any pain?”

No.

“Are you afraid?”

Yes. Yes. Yes.

“Not of me, I hope.”

No.

“Good. I move faster in my true form. I’m going to start closing your chest wound. You’ll feel pressure as I work, but you shouldn’t feel any pain.” Jason paused a moment, giving Turlough a chance to take this in. “If I sense any changes, I’ll stop. Okay?”

Yes.

The Alterran began his work in earnest. The whole time he was talking, he had been preparing Turlough for the surgery, cleaning his limbs, putting temporary bindings on the gashes in his extremities, starting a transfusion of synthetic blood, and another, and another.

Jason was vaguely aware of Eroica’s presence in the observation room but did not stop to dwell on it. He needed to concentrate on getting Turlough stabilized and then put back together. He doubted he would be able to completely finish the job of patching him up. Turlough was far too weak to remain in surgery the length of time this would require. If he survived, then Jason could go about repairing the scars the slashes would leave on his skin.

If he survived…

* * *

“Still at it?” the Doctor asked quietly as he entered the observation room.

Eroica turned as the door opened. “Yes. He’s scarcely slowed down in three hours. I don’t know how he’s kept up the pace. I’ve never seen anything—anyone—move so fast.”

The Doctor nodded, turning his gaze into the next room. The gaping wound in Turlough’s chest had been closed, as had the worst of the gashes on his extremities. Jason was in the process of closing the slashes on his throat.

“Where’s the Major?” Eroica asked in as casual a manner as he could manage.

“Doing a bit of research for me.”

Eroica caught his breath. “Doctor, you haven’t—”

“No. I haven’t sent him off on his own,” the Doctor replied calmly. “Nobody is going anywhere on their own anymore. He’s using the communications system to contact Bonn. He’s getting quite adept at using the console.”

Eroica nodded absently.

“You’ll excuse my saying so,” the Time Lord began slowly as he sat down, “but this hardly seems the type of thing to hold your interest.”

Eroica met the Doctor’s inquiring gaze a moment and then turned back to the window. “Have you ever watched him, Doctor?” he asked calmly. “I mean, really watched? I’ve never seen anything so graceful. The way he moves, all those…those…”

“Tendrils.”

“Yes. They don’t just fly if different directions, do they? I never thought about it before now, but he must’ve operated on me the same way.”

“I would imagine so. Jason always prefers to work in his true form.” The Time Lord’s eyes narrow at that moment. Then he caught his breath as he came to the same horrifying conclusion about Turlough that the Earl had earlier.

“Yes, he’s awake,” Eroica confirmed with a shudder. “I don’t think he’s in any pain though.”

“What makes you say that?” the Doctor wanted to know.

“Because every time he so much as twitches, Jason stops to talk to him.”

The Doctor closed his eyes, his hands curling into fists. This was far worse than he could’ve imagined. The creature had to be stopped before it finally killed someone. He opened his eyes, taking in the mutilated form of his companion and prayed that it had not killed someone already.

* * *

Jason did not know how many hours he spent working on Turlough’s injuries. He only became aware of time slipping away from him when the boy’s paralysis started to fade.

After the gaping wound had been closed, Jason went on to concentrate on the deeper gashes in Turlough’s arms and legs. Blood was pouring from his wounds almost as fast as Jason was pouring it back in. Then, at long last, a turning point. The blood loss slowed until, finally, it virtually stopped—after countless transfusions.

Then, an hour later, another turning point. A low moan rose in Turlough’s throat and Jason froze. This was the first sound the boy had made since being lifted from the floor. Jason watched in amazement as his friend very slowly closed his eyes. Fully closed his eyes. He seemed to struggle to keep them closed. Or was he just shocked that he could do it? Jason wondered.

“Turlough?” Jason ventured. “Am I hurting you?”

“No.”

When the boy actually spoke, the Alterran visibly started, his body rippling with color. Turlough’s voice was thick and heavy, but he had spoken nonetheless. “I know you want to, but you mustn’t talk,” the Healer said quickly. “Just lie still. I’m almost done.”

Turlough opened his eyes, giving the Alterran a steady look before closing them again. He was grateful he was not in any pain and wondered just how long the blissful numbness would last. Then he realized how incredibly tired he was, most certainly past the point of exhaustion. But he was afraid to sleep. What if he didn’t wake up again?

At that moment, Jason returned to his human form to allow his friend to read his expression. He squeezed one of Turlough’s hands, a small smile coming to his face as the fingers moved slightly in an attempt to squeeze back. “Turlough, I won’t leave you, I promise,” he said gently. “I won’t—”

“Don’t let me die.”

Turlough surprised even himself when this plaintive request passed his lips, despite the fact that it had been the one thought in his mind since being lifted from the floor. The one thought he had wanted to scream at the top of his voice. Don’t let me die! Please, Jason, don’t let me die!

After a long pause, Jason said calmly, “I won’t if you promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t die.”

Turlough’s bright eyes opened wide and then a smile slowly curled at the edges of his mouth. He closed his eyes and tried to relax as the Alterran returned to his true form and started to work on his injuries again.

Don’t die. Was it really as simple as that? Just…don’t die.

Within a few minutes, and without realizing, Turlough finally drifted into sleep.

* * *

Eroica was alternately watching the operation in the next room and the Doctor beside him. The Time Lord’s grave expression had not changed, although relief seemed to pass over his features when Turlough spoke for the first time.

Then the operation seemed to be over and Jason was bathing Turlough’s extremities, gently cleaning the blood from his body. Eroica watched in further fascination as the Alterran carefully washed the blood from the boy’s hair, making certain that he was completely clean before binding his wounds with clean dressings. Then he moved him from the operating table, covering him with a blanket.

The Doctor seemed to take this as his cue and got to his feet. “Excuse me, Dorian. I need to see if he needs anything special in the recovery room.” He did not wait for a reply, vanishing through the door.

* * *