One Hell Of A Morning After

Coffee can’t fix this.

“Dorian…?”

Dorian swatted the hand at his shoulder away, turning over in bed. “Too early,” he moaned.

“Dorian, wake up!”

“Klaus?” Dorian turned over, seeing Klaus standing over him, an odd look on his face. “What’s the matter?” He scowled over at the clock. “Did I oversleep?”

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

Klaus sat down on the bed and drew a deep breath. “My father…”

Dorian closed his eyes. “He’s not staying another day, is he?”

“No. But…the person he was to be meeting has been delayed, so he’s taking a later train.”

Silence.

“Dorian…”

“Klaus, I don’t think I can go through another disaster like yesterday.”

“Don’t worry about yesterday,” Klaus said mildly. “Father’s aware that you were nervous.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Dorian said as he sat up. “I don’t think I was that nervous on my first big heist.”

“Just put on something simple.” Klaus threw a glance over at the open makeup case. “Do you need any help?”

Dorian’s eyes widened. “Are you volunteering to help me with my makeup?”

“You had three people putting that glop on you at Castle Gloria,” came the logical reply.

Dorian gave the man a bright smile, planting a kiss on his cheek. “If your father weren’t waiting for us, I’d ravage you right here and now.”

Klaus’s eyes flickered. “If my father weren’t waiting for us, I’d let you.”

The smile on Dorian’s face brightened. “I want a rain check for after he leaves,” he said as he hopped out of bed. “Now shoo so I can get ready.”

Klaus watched as the Earl’s naked form vanished into the bathroom and found himself wishing it were afternoon already. He shook this thought from his mind and struggled to be serious. “I’ll be back in an hour,” he called.

“Don’t you dare!” Dorian called back through the door. “I’ll meet you in the dining room. I must be allowed to make my grand entrance.”

“You’re still a narcissistic bastard.”

The door to the bathroom opened and Dorian popped his head out, steam from the already running shower billowing out in a cloud around him. “Please, Klaus, we must be accurate. Elizabeth Gloria is a narcissistic bitch!” So saying, he blew the man a kiss and vanished back into the bathroom.

Klaus rolled his eyes and left, steeling himself for the disaster he felt sure would follow in the Earl’s wake at breakfast.

* * *

To everyone’s relief, breakfast went completely without incident. In fact, Heinz was in a remarkably good mood, much to his son’s amazement. He was all smiles when Dorian appeared at the door of the dining room, and carried on a very animated conversation throughout.

When it was time for Heinz to leave for his train, he gave “Elizabeth” a peck on the cheek. Then he turned to Klaus. “You’ve made a fine choice, Klaus,” he said proudly, shaking his son’s hand. “It seems you were right to wait so long.”

The speechless Klaus nodded dumbly and watched as his father practically skipped down the steps to his waiting car. Dorian came up beside him and watched in silent awe as the car drove off.

“I think your father was replaced by a pod person during the night,” Dorian remarked.

Klaus shook his head, turning to look at the disguised Earl. “I’ve never seen him like that before.”

“Well, you said this would make him delirious.”

“I think it’s made him lose his mind,” Klaus said as he led the way back into the house. “Now go take all that muck off your face, like a good girl.” He could not resist giving Dorian a pat on the behind to punctuate his remark.

Dorian turned, his eyes blazing. “Oh, not you too, please!”

Klaus scowled. “Me too, what?”

Dorian could feel his face flush. “Your father…he…well…”

Klaus’s eyes narrowed. “Ye-es…”

“He…” Dorian drew a deep breath and blurted out, “He pinched my bum!”

This was almost too much for Klaus. His mouth fell open and he was sure his eyes were falling out of his head. “What?” The rest of his words came out in unintelligible sputters.

Dorian took advantage of Klaus’s shock to start toward the main staircase. “He said yesterday was just a bad memory. Then he said that I should come to see him in Switzerland the next time you’re on a lengthy mission. So we could get to know one another better.”

“Gah!” Klaus was quickly losing his ability to communicate in any of the numerous languages he was fluent in. It wasn’t until they were at the top of the stairs that coherent speech returned. “My father…hit on you?”

Dorian turned, his face now in high color. “You should’ve warned me that your father was a letch!”

“That’s rich coming from you!”

“Oh!” Dorian turned on his heel and stormed down the hall. He waved a hand at the room he had sneaked into the night before. “And you can forget my coming to ravage you,” he huffed. “In fact, you can forget a repeat performance of last night!”

“What?” Klaus stopped dead in his tracks. “What happened last night?”

Dorian was at his bedroom door and pushed it open before he looked back at Klaus. “Oh, very funny, Klaus. I say I want to forget all about it, so now you pretend it didn’t happen.”

Klaus turned a horrified look over to the door the Earl was waving at. “You went into that room last night?” he said slowly.

“As you know perfectly well! The first room on the right.”

“You idiot! My room is the first on right coming from the stairs!”

Now it was Dorian who had a horrified look on his face. “What!”

“What did you do?”

“I thought it was you!”

Several hundred things went through Klaus’s mind, none of which made him feel any less queasy. “What did you do!”

“I…I…” Dorian stammered a minute before blurting out, “I gave him a blow job!”

Klaus put a hand to his head and slid into a chair beside the wall. He wasn’t sure if he felt faint, sick, or just plain numb. “Mein Gott! Only you could fuck up simple directions.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“You…you… With my father!”

“At least he was happy with your fiancée when he left,” Dorian said feebly.

Klaus continued to sputter. “Christ!” He threw his hands in the air. “If you weren’t going to hell before, you certainly are now!”

“Klaus, this isn’t funny.”

“Do you see me laughing?”

The sound of someone loudly clearing their throat caused the pair to break off the argument and turn. At the end of the hallway, Conrad stood with an envelope in his hand. “Excuse me, sir—” A small smile came to his face as he corrected himself. “Sirs.”

“What is it?” Klaus snapped impatiently.

“Your father asked me to give this to…” The butler cleared his throat. “Lady Elizabeth.”

Dorian exchanged a baffled look with Klaus. He took the envelope, thanking Conrad at the same time. The butler gave a slight bow and left, returning to his duties on the ground floor.

“If that’s a love letter, I will be violently ill,” Klaus said as the Earl tore open the envelope.

Lady Elizabeth,
By now you have probably discovered your blunder of last night.
My son is very lucky to have found a woman has loving and talented as yourself.
And if you should ever lose your way again, please make it in my direction.
-- Heinz

“I guess this means we have your father’s blessing,” Dorian said as he handed the note to Klaus, who read it and then started to curse in every language he knew.

“Now what?” Dorian said, scowling down at him. “This is good news. Why are you still treating it like the end of the world?”

Klaus looked up, meeting his gaze. “I had Conrad give my father a note, too.”

“Oh?”

“I explained about…us.” Klaus stared into space. “This is gonna kill him.”

Dorian’s eyes flickered and he pulled a sealed envelope from the bodice of his dress. “You mean this note, my love?”

Klaus looked up, a smile of admiration spreading across his face. “You bloody thief!” This sounded more like a compliment than an accusation.

Dorian flashed him a dazzling smile, taking him by the hand, and pulling him to his feet. He gave him a passionate kiss before dragging him into the bedroom. “Come with me, lover. If you’re gonna be angry with me for creating a whole new sin, you should at least know all the details.”

* * *