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Consume equal number of cigarettes as glasses of water per day. Therefore, if you only drink one glass of water a day, you should have one carton of smokes a day. Remember, your doctor recommends eight glasses of water every day. Major von dem Eberbach would have you smoke no less.

Also, don't forget to exercise daily. Aerobic exercise is suggested as being the best, but that's not a problem. Those pesky KGB agents tend to run when shot at, so simply remember to have enough bullets to keep them going as long as your workout requires. For more advanced calisthenics, foppish earls tend to chase rather than run, no matter how much ammunition there is. This is especially good for burning excess fat virus from the calves. Running from Eroica can often be a full-contact sport, so it's a good workout for the entire body.*

Watch what you eat. Sitting too near bald slugs with bad table etiquette can lead to heartburn, but it also does wonders for the figure as your appetite steadily decreases. Just don't forget to keep that Pink Bismuth handy!

Watch what you drink. Nescafe is the preferred beverage of Majors on the go. It's easy to make, economically priced, and isn't a pansy drink like those double shot espressos. The caffeine intake will mix pleasurably with the multiple cartons of cigarettes, producing a buzz that will keep you working in the field for days without sleep. And as an added convenience, on those frantic days, Nescafe can be eaten dry, straight from the container.

Remember, anorexia is for prissy people who lack the coordinative abilities to build a healthy, slimming diet.

*Hiding and/or burying bodies of earls can also be a good expenditure of calories.

**Klaus' Miracle Diet™ takes no responsibility for court costs or attorney fees of anyone actually caught murdering either KGB agents or faggot-earls.

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